See U in Kuching!!

going back home this afternoon!!!(Home sweet Home)

driving back with pajero for 6 hours!!

slept early last night, so to avoid sleeping while driving(dangerous!!)

planet shakers' night of fire tmr night!!

skip friday class(so dare!!)

see u in Kuching!!

Basketball

basketball,

my birthday present.

flame up the fire that dim for long,

to burn my passion and also calories,

to get slim is my goal,

improve shooting and rebounding,

making friends through playing,

losing, winning, no meaning,

just to enjoy and keep sweating.

He is there watching,

see me enjoy His blessing,

thank you Father for giving,

giving me friends and caring.

Joshua, happy birthday!!

happy birthday!!

first time celebrate birthday far away from home!!

this year is the greatest birthday celebration i ever have!!

all my coursemate celebrate for me!!

so i have 3 celebrations separately, and eaten 3 cakes!!

happy birthday, joshua!!

Mirror, Mirror on the wall!!

Do you ever take time to look at the mirror?

What do you see?

Do you only look at the outward apperance of yourself?

or you only see the distended tummy, wrinkles on the forehead,

or pimples that are going to burst on your face?

Or are you just looking at your hair styles and keep combing your hair?

I was looking at the mirror, for quite sometimes!!

I begin to smile.

Every time i walk in the ward, i will just smile to the patients,

their relatives, doctors, and nurses,

they give me a warm smile in response.

When i smile, the person in the mirror give me a same warm smile.

Is that Joshua?

Yes. He is.

He is handsome and gentle.

Knowing him is my joy and my pleasure.

He has grown up into his 22nd year!!

I AM MORE THAN A CONQUEROR!!

6 weeks has over, another 6 weeks, this surgical posting will end!! what have i learn? do i not work hard enough? No. but it seem like i really dont know anything!! to study in the medical school never a easy job, not only aquired knowledge and clinical skills, also character building. this degree is 2 in 1. if u ask me, do i think of giving up? yes. when i feel frustrated, when the reading works seem like never end, when realize that i dont know even the simple things, when i realize that someone do better than me(is not comparing, but the simple thing that everyone should know, but i dont know), i want to qiut.

when i stay in this giving up state, i foung that i have lost, not only purpose, also hope. where should i go, it seem like no way. one year in sibu, live alone, what else can i do!! yes, christian brothers and sisters will say some encourage words, but how long will i last? it is easy to say all the encouragement, i did that most of the time, but how many times, u will realize that it is not just words. the dissapointment will keep on coming.

i have lost the battle, even when i know that Jesus has won it for me. believing make me blind, i see nothting, cant see him. the peace which was there, some times, it has gone.

HEH, JOSHUA, WAKE UP, FAITH COMES BY HEARING AND HEARING THE WORD OF GOD!! KEEP ON HEARING THE GOOD NEWS!! IF YOU CONTINUE HERING THE LIES OF THE ENEMIES, YOU WILL LOST EVEN WHEN YOU JESUS HAS WON THE BATTLE FOR YOU!!!

AMEN, I AM MORE THAN A CONQUEROR THROUGH HIM WHO LOVES ME.

live everyday!!

another case write up to pass up, cant find a good case, cause patients limited!! again this same examiner, he will not only mark my content but my english as well!! this time, i have to put more effort to do the best, give me alot of pressure!! huh, now sitting in front of the computer, no confident to write at all!! really hope this day will be over!!

last night on call, was chatting with few patients' relatives during visiting hours, it is so nice to chat with them!! have a great 'yesterday'.

everyday looking forward for tomorrow, because there will be a better tomorrow. what do u think? i just want to live today, cause today is joyful enough with Him who loves me!! looking back what happen yesterday, i feel today is better!! so, it must be a better tomorrow, and eternity the best!! it is true in Him who loves me, amen!!

WHAT YOU KNOW ABOUT LOVE?

Poor English :<

'poor english', these two words is stated in red in my case write-up, and i get the lowest mark in the group!! one week before, this same prof encourage me, said that my presentation was the best in the group!! Yup, i know my English at least can be use in communication but not in writing!! at least i can read, i can talk with simple english!!

after chatting with my old dear friend, she encourage me a lot, she always like a little angel that is assign in my life, her words was at the right time, she make me recall the day that i started learning my english!! remember in my form 4, i was inspire by one Indian teacher to learn my english, but during that time, i was taught by Miss Lau Bee Hong, i really dont understand what she teach, not because she is not good in teaching but i am the factor, i really 'catch no ball'. this is the words that i can say during that time. But, the Indian teacher encourage me to learn english in his house, every thrusday will go to his house together with this little angel and Fook Ann. this little angel, she encourage me to learn ever tough is hard. sometimes, she willing to teach this baby-english learner. Thank you, my little angel. on the other hand, i learn in church!! Broken english is enough for me to communicate!! i never cease to try. Yes, sometimes frustreted but nothing is happen innate. learning is always a process, never ending but the more u go, the go u get!!

to publish this blog is also one of my step, never see the tree, but just plant this very small seed!! but it will produce fruits one day!! yes, ther is still far to go, but really thank God, i have came this far!! i want to give Him glory in this Jesusshine blog. by the way, i came in medical school not because i have good english or good skill, but is all by His grace. Amen!~!

i have a complain!!

i have a complain!!! dont know who to complain!! after so many weeks i realise and see all the different characters of the medical students!! I also see how the way the seniors, i mean HOs, MOs and some of the specialists doing!! i have the same feelings with some of my friends, we are not happy with the way they treat patients!! they never care about the feeling of the patients!! i am nobody, i have not much knowlegde compare to them, i have no right to complain, but......

is everyone will have to behave like that as they have become a doctor? i rather not become a doctor then!! ya, they know very much, but treating patients not with medication but with love lah!!! sorry, a bit of emotional disturd!! if i am the patient, i just refuse to be treated, i rather suffer in pain!! we have learn how to act like a doctor, so just act like one lah!! isn't it we have been taught to cure sometimes, to relieve often and to comfort always? at least practice it mah!! i am not better, even tough i dont know how painful is it but at least i will never dare to hurt patient fellings!! every time i see patients feel pain, the same pain was hurting me!!

make a complain in the Jesusshine blog, is a prayer to Him who loves me.

Father, i will never know how much Jesus suffer the pain for me, but i know He has redeem all the pain. Lord, i pray that every patients that my hand has laid upon, even just a finger touch, let their pain relieve and the symptoms loose, in Jesus name, amen!!
Short prayer, but He answers, thank You, Jesus!!

pillow talk

last night was preparing for exam, but we end up in a big conversation!!! the hot topic--relationship!! most of the housemate already has found their very 'Own'. So, almost every night I will see someone at the balcony talking to phone, somewhere outside the house, on the bed. they are on 'CALL', on 'CALL' not meaning that working extra time in the wad but making a call for extra long long time!! wow, that is the effort they put in the relationship!!

i was so impressed by one friend with low profile until he willing to share with us his 4 years relationship with a good girl!! His principle is that no 'flowerish language', 'flower money', and flower time', (sorry, this will only make sense when it is in mandrine). He being honest in the relationship and put less effort in term of doing unnessary things like purposely do something to make the girl happy, two of them are so secure in the relationship!! another of my friend having two girlfriends at the same time, he face some problems at the moment, of course this is the price that he need to paid, he make a very important desicion in the pillow talk is to settle the issue and get change!! gumbate!!

as for me, i really learn a lot in the pillow talk, being the one so quite in the talk, really is an eye-opener for me!! i heard of how that one guy go after so many girls easily with all the techniques and another guy so faithful to the one He loves!! of course, romance and love that i thought only occur in the movie, now has been so real to me!! wow, all the while, i am just so shallow in my 'knowledge'.

In Jesusshine blog, i pray a pure and perfect love to those who walk in His love.

human nature!!

human nature~~~need attention!!!

during one bed side teaching, the Dr said something like this human nature is to get attention from others, the patient will complain pain and when we ask them how severe is that pain, they will always say very painful, ask them to give the score from 1 to 5, they will always give 5 to say it is very very painful but actually not that really painful from our finding!! this is really true not only in the hospital but everyone!!

i need attetion too!! much more in the eyes of my community and my peers!! a lot of people feel that they are not significance, u feel like that also, rite? what will u do? i will trying to do something to get the approval!! trying and trying!! to gain favor!! to be good, to do good, and to act good!! i find out that many times it doesnt work!!

Lord, i thank you that i no need to do something good, to gain ur attention, ur favor and ur love!! You have given me all, that You have make me secure!! i am the bestest in ur eyes!! thank You, Father!! now The Spirit has overcome my human nature!! He has witness with me the loving kindness of our Lord Jesus Christ!!

in lack!!

The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures:
he leadeth me beside the still waters.
He restoreth my soul:
he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil: for thou art with me;
thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies:
thou anointest my head with oil;
my cup runneth over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life:
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.

this Psalm mean so much to me at this very moment!! i am in lack because i never look to my shepherd!! i choose to look at him!!! i shall not be in want!! Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life!!! check in my bank account, the money bank in is only RM 1450!! they have deducted RM 1000 for the whole year payment of my hostel!! i pay all my hutang for all my medical books which cost me RM900 something!! the money that i borrow every semester is RM 35oo, after deducted the fee, usually have RM2400 left but now only RM1450!! do i need to compromise for my one tenth which i will left only RM2oo!! how to survive with that for half a year? Lord u are my shepherd, i shall not be in want!!You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies, You anoint my head with oil; my cup run over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!